[Beat the heat offers interesting and entertaining ways to cool off in New Orleans this summer.]

One of my favorite things to do whenever I'm in New Orleans is get an iced coffee. I know I could do that practically anywhere, given the prevalence of Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts, but for some reason the coffee in New Orleans just tastes different to me. And it tastes better.

Nola is an import town after all, sitting on the river as it does. One of the main things it imports is coffee. So, it should be no surprise that folks around here know their stuff when it comes to the bean. Despite setbacks from the Big K, coffee is indeed still a brewing business for both local mom and pop shops and chains.

So, this tip to beat the heat in New Orleans this summer is:

1. Enjoy an iced coffee from a local cafe.

To me, there is simply nothing better than kicking back with an iced coffee (or iced cappuccino, if you want me to be specific) from Royal Blend Coffee in the French Quarter. While some prefer to sit indoors munching on breakfast pastries and reading the free local papers, I prefer to sit in the beautiful and well-maintained courtyard pretending to be in a different era.

More tips on how to Beat the Beat after the jump!

[Beat the Heat offers interesting and entertaining ways to cool off and get the most out of New Orleans this summer.]

So my colleagues and I normally start to write about how darned hot it is in New Orleans this time of year. Actually, we're really a tad behind this year since it's already mid-July. Perhaps the heat hasn't been as unbearable. Or, perhaps, the heat has been so bad we've lost sight of everything.

And let's not forget the humidity! If there is one thing Nola knows best, it's humidity. How much there is of it (too much of it), what it does to us (wilts us) and when it will end (never...or maybe December!). I think it is safe to say that everyone in New Orleans, from the loyal citizen to the seasoned tourist to the dude who came down to check out the Katrina damage to the people who wouldn't dream of setting foot here know just how frickin' hot it gets in the Crescent City after the vernal equinox.

So let's not bother talking about that. Instead, let's talk about ways to beat the heat. After all, New Orleans is always going to be hot and humid and, at times, stickier than the floor at Cate du Monde. And truth be told we need tourism here in the hot summer months more than perhaps at any other time of year.

To the right you will see a cropped screenshot of the official forecast for this weekend in New Orleans according to Blogging New Orleans parent AOL. Yup, that's right its going to rain during two of the three last days of Jazz Fest and I'm sure you're worried about what the city and the festival is going to do. Well, the really worry is what are you going to do. According to many sources, the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival almost never cancels for rain. Ticketmaster says, "Miscellaneous: FESTIVAL IS RAIN OR SHINE" on the bottom of the ticket purchase page. The gumbo pages has a number of suggestions for rain gear including "a baseball cap and a light windbreaker or poncho. Or rain gear can be a basic as a 40-gallon trash bag. Cheap, disposable, stylish (sort of)." NOLA.com (the Times Picayune) alludes to the possiblity of rain with a reminder that "[u]nless the weather is really deplorable, Jazzfest will go on, so bring rain gear if it looks like rain." And Jazz Fest has only been canceled once due to rain, apparently 1979 was a really wet year. So grab a poncho and bring a ziplock baggie for you wallet and camera and enjoy the mud this weekend.

What you see before you is a still life of everything that you must bring to Jazz Fest. at my wife's request I am going to list it out for you so you don't forget anything important (hopefully I'm not leaving anything out).

1. Hat - guards those eyes from the sun, Sunglasses are good too, but I don't have prescription ones.
2. Sunscreen - a big one for applying before hand and a small one for re-application as the day goes on. Remember skin cancer sucks.
3. Bandaids - this is easier than waiting in line at the first aid place with a small cut.
4. Map - get one of the pullout ones and mark off what you want to see on the bottom.
5. Money - buying food and drink usually requires cash (plus its faster). Credit cards are good for posters, shirts, and accessories.
6. Hand Sanitizer - You're going to be eating and using port-a-lets all day. Its disgusting without this.
7. Mints - For cleansing the palate after eating one cajun food and before the next.
8. Toilet Paper - this is more a female thing than a male thing. I can't really get into specifics, but by the end of the day don't expect to find TP in the bathrooms.
9. Painkillers - headaches are no fun, but also a sign of dehydration. Drink lots of water and hope not to have to take these.
10. Phone - contact your friends and let them know where your flag is.
11. Tickets - duh.
12. Wallet with ID - to get beer and hold money.
13. Bug spray - although they sprayed for mosquitos last night you will need to apply this before going to the fest to keep the bugs away.
14. Not Pictured - the list. What all your friends and loved ones want you to get at the fest. The bag. What are you carrying this in? They will search this so follow the rules. No video cameras or recording equipment. Camera. Still cameras are fine and will capture the memories of the fest that you want.

The New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival starts tomorrow and you probably have no idea where to park. First off get there early, you are likely to find on street parking within walking distance (less than a half mile away from the Fairgrounds). Remember the fest lasts from 11 am to 6:30 pm so you'll be walking back right before sunset (if you don't stay to late) so don't park to far away. Of course, if your downtown and don't want to park near the Fairgrounds you could always take the bus or the streetcar. The Gray Line has an official bus to a from the Fairgrounds throughout the fest. Tickets are roundtrip and can be bought with a Jazz Fest ticket. The bus leaves the Steamboat Natchez dock and the Downtown Sheraton Hotel all day. Plus If you want to drive from elsewhere you can get a parking/bus ticket from Marconi Meadows in City Park (this can be bought with a Jazz Fest ticket as well). I've made a map of the parking situation in the new My Maps feature of Google Maps for you to use when you make your plan. FYI: Don't park on the banks of the bayou. The grass is not legal parking and you will get ticketed. All up and down the bayou last year everyone had a bright orange note on their window.

The number one thing you need when you go to the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival is a plan. Sure you need tickets, money, a good ear and sunscreen, but without a plan you will probably miss at least part of the acts that you really want to see. Get out those schedules and mark them up. Either head over to the official site and print out you copy or grab a copy of any number of the local news magazines/papers. Gambit, New Alternatives, the Times Picayune and New Orleans Magazine have all had various Jazz Fest inserts recently and are available across the city. I found a Gambit in a local coffee shop (thanks to the better half) and have pulled their extended insert out. At the top is a great map of the Fairground and below is an easy chart of each weekend at the Fest. You can highlight or circle you favorite artists on the day that you'll be attending's chart and then check out the map to see how to get around. Usually my plan is to walk the racetrack circle all day while stoppin to check out the art, buy some music and posters (hopefully), and listen to whatever sounds good. Then at the end of the day i like to grab a seat near the back of the major act's stage. Last year that seat wasn't good enough for my friends so we made our way through the crowd to within 10 rows of the front. No assigned seats makes movement easy, but some planners will sit in front of their favorite stage at gate opening and spread out a blanket with large flag to claim territory. What's your plan? Only a couple days left to figure it out so sit down during dinner tonight to work it out.

Although it sounds truly blasphemous to me, as I am insanely jealous of anyone lucky enough to attend Mardi Gras, some folks in the New Orleans area want nothing better than to get out of town once the parades, and the endless hordes of tourists start rolling in.

Many make plans well in advance of what they'll do and where they'll go to avoid the Mardi Gras madness, just as many make their Mardi Gras plans for the following year promptly on Ash Wednesday, before the chain gangs have had a chance to clean up the debris. Others think they can take the heat until it hits them full-force in the face. Some think they can handle the crowds until the folks making up those crowds are passed out on their lawns and asking them for directions to some bar nowhere in the area....again. And again.

Looking to get out of town this Mardi Gras season? Well, here are a few useful things to remember, whether you've planned well in advance or are improving your way through the parade route straight outta town.

Your name is a household word. Your picture appears weekly in the tabloids. You've entered that special race of humans that no longer has to worry about money, or fame, or notoriety: your life is heaven itself. Still, you've never been to Mardi Gras and want to see what all the fuss is about. How do you keep a low profile amongst the throngs of people? Read on...

1.) Firstly, you'll need an oxygen mask to breathe our foul air. Just ask Bernie Mac. No, I'm kidding--the air is just fine down here, and much easier to breathe than if you decided to waste your winter break skiing in the Aspen mountains with the other beautiful people.

2.) You will need a costume mask, however. This ain't California, where dressing down and donning shades is enough to deceive the crowd. Many, many people use Mardi Gras as a time to hunt for celebrities, and if you could have seen the look on Frankie Muniz's face when he rode in Endymion back in 2001, well, you'd have thought that boy had spied the Devil Himself in the crowd. I thought it was kinda cute, his terrified little face, but take it from me: you don't want anyone recognizing you.

3.) If you're extra paranoid about bumping into besmirched, beer-stinking undesirables, bring a hula hoop to the parade. I had one out at Halloween one year and it was a great tool for keeping people away. And so festive!

4.) Take advantage of being amongst real people and bring a tape recorder to the parade. We here in New Orleans are so tired of actors mangling our accents. The only way to get it right, short of moving to the bayou, is to listen hard and long.

5.) As I said, this ain't California, so bring all of your organically-grown macrobiotics to town with you, or arrange to have them flown in. There's a chance that you might find a few odds and ends for your Hollywood Diet at Whole Foods, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

6.) And your toxic cleanse. You may think you can avoid New Orleans food, but you can't. One time, I sat a table away from John Stamos dining at Jacque-Imo's with some buddies. When the waitress brought their food, he took one look at what his friends were eating and sent his special salad back. She returned with a plate heaped with fried seafood. Bring whatever mystic drinks or new-age enemas you need to combat eating Popeye's and king cake for five days straight.

7.) Don't forget your masseuse! Wearing those beads can be a real bitch for your neck, shoulders, and upper back. Hell, if I could afford a full-time masseuse, I'd have him working on me at the neutral ground.

8.) You're famous, you don't need to sit in traffic going to or coming from the parades. It's just not necessary, as New Orleanians are have gotten used to seeing helicopters randomly landing around the city. So bring yours: you can make an easy getaway and hardly anyone will notice.

9.) On Fat Tuesday, everyone's a star glittering in their own special universe*. You'll be shocked and amazed at what us Louisiana folk can put together in the name of Mardi Gras. Coupled with your successful bout of anonymity, you might start to lose your sense of identity. I totally understand. So bring a mirror to remind yourself that you have a highly-prized, well-insured face that's recognized by billions of people the world over.

*Jesus, I almost forgot. You're rich and well-connected--bring drugs! With all the generous relief efforts in the Crescent City, not one nonprofit has provided us with this staple. In the interest of efficiency, go ahead and bring them to my house; I'll take care of the distribution.

Essential tips for making the most of Mardi Gras.

Ladies, before I even being to delve into the things you should note when you hit the parade routes, there is one piece of advice you must heed, regardless of how much you've had to drink, how much it would shock your parents or how fun it looks: do not, I repeat, DO NOT flash. Not only is flashing tacky and un-ladylike, it can be dangerous. It may score you less of the better beads than you expected and more unwanted advances. Just don't do it. Trust me. I've been there.

Now that's out of the way, here are a few more things to remember during Mardi Gras for those of us of the feminine persuasion.

1. Remember that it's a family tradition. While you may find yourself trapped in the French Quarter with a zillion rowdy, drunken tourists, keep in mind that the St. Charles parade route tends to draw more families, many with small children. If you're in the mood for a more laid back Mardi Gras, where the locals bring blankets and picnics and their sense of community you may want to investigate this area. It's calmer, it's more fun, and you might have better access to better beads. If you're into that kind of thing. If you're more into getting drunk and passing out only to be roused by a cop then by all means stick to the FQ.

You've come from lands near and far to see the Mardi Gras, and I can guarantee you that it will be unlike anything you've ever experienced. As a wizened resident (can I say local? i've only been here 9 years), here's my advice on your must-haves:

1.) Bring a big, sturdy backpack for your loot. Even if you think you don't care about beads, you will change your mind the moment you hear the marching band. My first MG here, I had a northerner punk-rock boyfriend who thought that fighting for beads was the stupidest thing ever. By the end of his first parade, he was pushing grannies to the ground for the plastic necklaces. You'll want a bag, and something easy to carry.

2.) Get you a How Ya Gonna Clap? Basically, this is a coozie attached to a string that goes around your neck. With two hands, you've got twice the chance of catching beads. If you put your drink on the ground, someone will knock it over.

3.) Not only do you want to wear comfortable shoes, but they should be dark as well. Even for Fat Tuesday, when you want to look hot for the crowd, wear comfy shoes or you will regret it for the rest of your podriatic life. Spend five minutes on the St. Charles neutral ground and you'll know why dark shoes are best.

4.) Having tissues or a handkerchief is one of those essentials that everyone forgets about. Again, the dust on St. Charles neutral ground will have you hacking up all sorts of delightful things!

5.) If you don't already use a flask, get one immediately. Within a mile and a half of any given parade route, drink prices double, and you'll need your cash for Popeye's and other hangover remedies.

6.) This may be the most important essential of them all: you'll want to buddy up with a local, because New Orleanians are the friendliest people on earth. Plus, many of them know of clean bathrooms nearby. They'll fill you in on good parade spots, cool parties, and how to eat crawfish. Don't be afraid, cher--locals love nothing more than introducing newbies to their city.

7.) It's a little-known fact that revelers in costume are 50% less likely to be mugged. My source on this escapes me, but crime prevention aside, costuming for Fat Tuesday changes your whole perspective on Mardi Gras--be whoever you want: we'll love ya regardless!

8.) Even the most buttoned-down businessman will find himself turning an empty cup and some gravel into a musical instrument when the brass bands pass by, so spare yourself the trouble and pick up a shaker, a tambourine, or even a cowbell before Fat Tuesday. Mardi Gras is magical because the people become the parade, and you'll want to be the parade with panache.

9.) I know it's a no-brainer, but check your aspirin supply ahead of time. Because if you're well enough to get to a Rite-Aid or Walgreens on Ash Wednesday, you better come back next year and try again.

Politicians usually have someone else tell them exactly what to bring with them anywhere and should realize they are always on camera. In other words this list probably won't include much of the same stuff that's on the other one's and is mostly directed at those who hopefully don't need my advice.

1. Makeup - This is not gender specific. All politicians need to look there best and when braving the crowds of onlookers from around the country you don't want to look haggard or like you've been partying in New Orleans all weekend (like you actually have).
2. Handlers - Read as security or assistants. These people will keep the wrong people from taking up to much time and allow the right people (your supporters) to get close enough for that essential photo op. Hopefully your handlers are having to deal with the problem of you riding in a parade and not just the problem of you just being there. Riding is better for politicians to, because they won't have to talk to anyone (though open limos can bring problemsin some cities, just ask Kennedy, you should be okay here).
3. Smile - Yes this is obvious, but just a gentle reminder, you need to smile all day long. In front of everyone. Expect to be photographed and video taped by thousands, if not millions, of people and expect to smile non-stop. Be sure to take some time off at the end of the day and (if you're Catholic) remember to not smile on Ash Wednesday.
4. Ears and Eyes - Listen to those who you do get to talk to. These are the people who have or will elect you. These are the ones whose opinions actually matter. See how they act in this crowd and understand what is happening. Remember this is a post-Katrina New Orleans carnival and all of us are using Mardi Gras to escape the harrowing rebuilding we are in the middle of.
5. Bright casual clothing - As seen in the pic. You will stick out and be memorable plus you dones don't want to look like a stuffed shirt, but still like a professional. You may be a leader, but you are still considered a subject to Rex, so don't dress better than him.

image via the Governor's Office

Adults have it a lot easier than kids and parents when it comes to Mardi Gras, but they still need to be sure to bring their essentials. This is only my third Mardi Gras as a full fledged adult (I was a student for quite a while), but I think these suggestions will help any childless Adult get through the next few days.

1. Beer Cozy - Well, duh. How else are you going to keep that Abita or Dixie cool while you wander from Mardi Gras party to party to house to office party to where ever. As an adult you probably will be invited to one of the house parties and be able to drink and eat crawfish and generally discuss how great it is you don't have to take care of kids (unlike all of your co-workers) this Mardi Gras. Of course you are likely to be at a party with families in addition to other adults to try not to re-fill that cozy to much.
2. 10 pounds of beads - All of which should be on your neck and all need to be pearls and cool and large and cost you around $100. Trust me its worth it. You are an adult you can hand out this beads to anyone on the street and get the wonderful appreciative smile for strangers.
3. Sunglasses - Preferably these sunglasses will be extremely dorky and very Mardi Gras themed. You need to get into the spirit of the season and the more out there you sunglasses the more likely you'll be able get something really cool from a float or other Krewe member.
4. The List - What's 'The List' you ask. Well this is the list of friends family and friends of friends and family that are riding in parades. One The List you should have the following:

   Parade - Date and Time
   Name - nickname, last name, something you're going to yell out
   Float - number, side, level

   ie:

   Endymion - Feb 17, 4:30 pm
   Joe 'Joey Ratface' Schmoe
   Float 20, right side (sidewalk), top

5. Comfortable shoes - These are needed for anyone who plans on walking the route and standing along all the long parades. Adults are more likely to walk the route looking for friends and co-workers and beer.

1. Cooler - This goes for anyone going to see parades however it's very important for parents. A cooler can not only keep beverages cold but provide a "leg up" to the kids to catch some extra beads. Make sure that the kids drinks look significantly different than the adult beverages or there could be trouble. A well-stocked cooler can keep you from yelling at other people's kids as they keep running into your toddler and get get you in good with surrounding parade watchers who may have bathroom access -- which leads me to No. 2 ...
2. Bathroom - Once the kids are out of diapers they will undoubtedly need to pee every half hour or so and it is best to find a viewing area with either port-o-lets nearby or a friend's home.
3. Blankets - A blanket makes a good surface for a picnic and will keep you warm during a chilly night parade. A blanket will also a shield a napping baby from the sun.
4. Camera - Even if this is your 20th Mardi Gras, the kids are bound to do something silly and worth recording.
5. Cash - I fell victim to a street vendor last week and decided the The Baby could not have a complete parade experience without a flashing wand with a star at the end of it. Eight dollars later, I still didn't regret the purchase. The Baby is still too young to completely understand commerce and bribery. However, $20 worth of battery operated plastic toys could go a long way in keeping a brood of children from acting like hyenas and more like well-trained poodles.